Monday, June 22, 2009

I love blogging, but...

I have found it increasingly difficult since Patrick died. So much sadness and anger that I just haven't found the ability to get "out".

The man that killed Patrick has been arrested. He posted bail and is now out. He has resigned from the military. All-in-all, I'd like to speak with him to get my own "radar sense" on his feelings/remorse for taking Patrick from us, but I can't do that. All I can do is stalk the California circuit court website for updates. Because they are soooooo accommodating to the family of the dead. *eye roll*

Father's Day was hard for my FIL yesterday. His first with only 2 sons. I cannot even imagine how he felt. I know how I feel, but for it to be your son. Uggg.

But we had a nice time with the family, first with mine, then with the in-laws. The children colored mugs for both Grandpa's, which I think was a hit because both love their warm beverages and anything colored by a 4 and 5 year old is cute ;)

I miss Patrick. for a while it was easy to pretend (or more accurately, not think about it) that he was just overseas. My "spidey-sense" knew something was a-brewin' this week, so it's been difficult for me. I still have moments of just random crying, but they are far less than they were. I find it's just when we get major updates regarding the criminal case for the man responsible for his death that I have my bad times.

His car is finally coming home from Chicago today. I'm not sure how I feel about that. When our car had gotten totaled, the in-laws offered us his car to which we both roared, "NO." Then we decided we should probably be a bit more grateful. But driving his car would be a constant reminder of him (plus, the car forever has his stink it in. I loved the man, but he was hairy and stinky at times. Neither of which were my favorite quality about him)

My other BIL may take the car as it has a newly rebuilt engine and transmission and would be better than his car, but a decision has not been made yet. We shall see.

We will be camping this weekend, our first of the year. Gumby and I drove with the camper attached to the truck this weekend as a "refresher" for me. Plus Gumby set up and brought down the camper so I could make detailed notes. He will not be coming up until Saturday while the kids and I are going up Friday (he has his annual Brewer game with the guys and I couldn't have him miss it, that would be cruel).

So watch out for a 1975 Jayco pop-up careening down the highway next Friday, heh. I love that camper, it's just so freakin' cool. I'm thinking I may ask for Verlo gift cards for Christmas so I can have new mattresses made for that bad-boy. Just the two "beds" on the end. The other two beds are folding, so unless they do foam mattresses, that's a no-go.

I want to sit in my recliner right now, but there was a big-ass spider trying to get me (Gumby yelled at me as I shot out of the chair like the lunatic I am).

More swim class for the kids this week and week 2 of soccer class (it only meets once a week for most of the summer). We've pretty much been non-stop for the past 2 weekends and will be non-stop for the next 4, one week off, then 2 more weeks of planned stuff. Good grief. Summer is awesome, but our busy social season.

My BFF was here from Portland (I typed "home", but really, Portland is now her home with her husband). It was awesome to see her. She we able to come to my little sister's graduation and then we had a BBQ that night with her and other friends.

The next day we had another BBQ with family and friends for Little Man's 4th birthday.

The kids are awesome and continue to make me laugh every day.

Gumby was happy with his Father's Day haul (though was mildly disappointed to get a wallet first from me, heh. HEY, he needed one!)

But I still miss Patrick.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Mr. Rogers was a genius

I had crazy love for Mr. Fred Rogers as a child. Nothing made me happier than watching Sesame Street and then my beloved Mr. Rogers. The land of make-believe always held such wonder for me, such great life-lessons.

When my sisters were young, they never really got into Mr. Rogers, which was very disappointing. He wasn't "cool" they'd tell me. How the hell did they know what was cool at that age?!?

I thought, *my* children will love Mr. Rogers. And we got to the point where they dug Sesame Street, but they would not want to watch Mr. Rogers. This caused me some heartache, but I decided that it was obviously my issue and tried to let it go.

And here we are. The magic age. Baby Girl is 5 and Little Man will be 4 tomorrow *gasp*. And holy crap, they are watching AND liking Mr. Rogers.

I think the issue is that so much kid TV is so colorful and has such spastic movement and Mr. Rogers is just mellow. (I remember that argument being used a few years ago about Sesame Street and the result being they "scheduled" each segment. I crabbed about it at the time, but now think I understand).

My surgery went well. Ran about an hour over because they discovered a hernia when they went in (explains why stomach crunches has actually hurt, heh). And my gallbladder was so impacted with stones, they actually had to extend the incision at my belly button because they couldn't get it out at first. That's a nasty looking incision. So if I suddenly lose an amazing amount of weight, I will still be restricted to the "tankini" swimsuit. I officially have too many scars on my belly to every allow for a true bikini.

I've been amazed at how much it hurt, I imagine something similar to a c-section (I love walking around, holding my belly because it hurts). I called the doctor today to ask for a less powerful pain pill. I still need something, but what they gave me makes me queezy and sleepy. Since today is my first day with the kids alone, not a good combination. Plus I'm tired to being queezy.

As I mentioned, tomorrow is Little Man's 4th birthday. I'm struggling with how to handle it. I want him to know it's his birthday, but I don't think he'll *get* why he has to wait for his party. Not fair to him, so I'm at a bit of a loss. Plus, my ass is just tired.