Friday, July 27, 2012

Day 16 : Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Dead brother-in-laws.  Or maybe a more accurate thing would be drunk drivers.  Because they certainly suck monkey-ass on many levels.

Child abusers.


Day 15 : Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

A car.  I don't care how lame or materialistic that is, but it's true.  A car can take me to my family.  Gives me the option to leave a place when I need to protect myself.  Let's me drive late at night with Gumby with the windows down, listening to music.  A car facilitates so much.  I hated not having one.

Day 14 : A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Dear Hero -


Signed -


Yes.  This one is a cop-out.  But I'm not going there.  And I know who it's addressed to.  And I know that writing a letter to anyone else would have been dishonest.  So get over it.

Day 13 : A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Dear Dave Matthews Band -

You have been an inspiration to me for many years.  Like way more years than I want to admit, because that would really show my age ;)

But I can specifically remember losing the first pregnancy.  I remember most people wanted to ignore it.  Or tell me it would be alright.  Except it wasn't going to be alright.  I had made up my mind that I wanted that child more than anything else and would protect it.  And here I couldn't even protect it from my own body.  I remember driving under the "Whale Wall" here, sobbing, listening to "Lie in our Graves" and suddenly it hit me.  I couldn't spend the rest of my days mourning.  I was letting life pass me by.  It was OK to mourn, to be sad at the loss of life.  But I needed to celebrate it too.

And I'm not going to lie and say I was suddenly OK, but it let me start to move on.  To not be focused on the loss, but rather what was to come.

So thank you for that.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Something you never get compliments on.

That's easy.

Toe jam.

My sparkling floors.

Day 11 - Something people seem to compliment you the most on

My writing.  Which is always a surprise to me.  I want to be funny and I think I'm successful sometimes.  I try to be honest.  And I want to say something relevant (though often this blog simply acts as an electronic journal of sorts).

But it always surprising when people tell me they are excited to read my facebook posts or even this journal (but I need to work on updating on a more timely basis).

Day 10 - Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know

Goes to my irritation of the night.  A certain family member.  It's done. They have been let go.

Day 09 - Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

A friend from high school.  We keep drifting into each other's lives, but it just doesn't  to want to be anything more than that.

I always regretted the friendship drifting as it did.  So I am grateful for what we have now, but I always wish there was a bit more....

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Day 08 - Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit

Her name was Cheryl.  We sat next to each other in 1st grade.  We had a project and she had just gotten a new box of crayons and was sharing them.  I used the yellow crayon and it broke.  I firmly believe it was one of those cases where the tip was already broken inside the wrapper, no way to know until you use it.

But, oh, did she make my life hell after that.  Threatened to beat me up almost daily for the rest of 1st grade.  I was so happy in 2nd grade when we were in different classes and she ultimately moved away.

Fast forward to 7th grade, now in middle school.  Guess who goes to my new middle school?  Yep, Cheryl.  It took her a few days to recognize me.  Needless to say, she never forgave me over that fucking yellow crayon.

I was very happy when we moved in the middle of 7th grade.

Of course, most of the 8th grade boys at the new school made my life a living hell for the rest of the year, so I'm really not sure what was worse.......

Day 07 - Someone who has made your life worth living for

I actually have a number of people that have made life worth living.  Gumby, of course.  Our kids, most obviously.

But during the dark times, it was a combination of my maternal Grandparents and my best friend's Mom.  My Grandparents always had my back during that time and I knew their house was safe from the madness.

My best friend's Mom for showing me life gets better.  For talking to me like a grown up and respecting my feelings, but also not being afraid of telling me to pull my head out of my ass.  For being that cool Mom.

We all understood the phrase, "everything in life is a choice".  But she really got me to understand circumstances do not make the person.  The choices that person makes is what makes them.  Good or bad.  Thankfully I've made *mostly* good choices.

Day 06 - Something you hope you never have to do

Really?  We're gonna go there, huh?

Bury either of my children.  Because no parent should have to do that.  Even the shitty parents.

Thursday, January 12, 2012


So some assmunches (is that the correct plural of assmunch?) stole my laptop back in August. Along with a bunch of other stuff, but the laptop is most important in this case because it had all my 30 days of truths on it. And I got a little busy in there. All that parenting, working, Sick mother-in-lawing, wifing shit got in the way of blogging. Damn it.

Alas, I have passed all my certifications, I have taken over the Tiger Cub Den as Den leader and I just keep truckin with the whole sick mother-in-law thing.

Her breast cancer returned in the lymph nodes. And we learned this week that the spot on her lung is indeed cancer.  She has it in 3 different areas.  The plan is for another 4 rounds of Chemo and then treatment with hormone therapy.

I'd like this to be done and the best possible outcome. Seriously. No more death or sickness. Just happiness and peace.

My Dad had his rotator cuff repaired. So he's been a little gimpy, but progressing nicely.  Still freaks you out to see your Dad all bundled up in medical stuff in the house.  ACK!

Life is always an adventure.  I'm 36 now.  I don't *feel* 36.  I still feel like I'm in my mid-20's.  My Dad and I were discussing it and he said that he thinks you reach a certain point of higher consciousness and self-awareness and you stop growing at that point.  For him it was 19, for me I think it was 29.  When I became a parent to 2 children, that was it.  I think I've grown since then, but not in any leaps and bounds.  Now it's just about keeping it all in perspective (or as Dory says, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming".)

I'm fortunate to have the most wonderful people that love me.  Life always has surprises.  Friends come and friends go.  But the true friends that you love and love you back almost always find a way back into your life.  And I can appreciate that right now.

New Spanish words/phrases learned this week:

No vale madre

There were others, but that's all I can remember right now (and really, pendejo is my favorite thus far, because I say that a lot in English).

Now, let's see if I can track down the rest of the 30 days of truth.....

30 Days of Truth - Day 5

Day 05 Something you hope to do in your life.

Interesting.  This could be taken one of many ways.  But I'm going with a Master's degree.  

I hope to travel a lot more.  I want to go back to Europe and explore that more.  I'd love to go to Africa, Asia, Australia, South America, etc.  Basically, I'm greedy in the area of travel.  I want to learn all I can and experience it all.  I'd love to see the Christ the Redeemer statue, etc.

I hope to see our children graduate from college; see them married and have children.

I hope to be a good person and an even better mother and wife.

30 Days of Truth - Day 4

Day 04 Something you have to forgive someone for.

Well, the obvious answer is to forgive Jason for taking Patrick away from us.  But I think I really did forgive him last February.  It's honestly not been an issue for me since then.

So is this a cop-out answer?  A little bit.  But I'll try harder tomorrow.

30 Days of Truth - Day 3

Day 03 Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Not being the perfect wife/mother.  I try.  But my house is way messier than I'd like.  I have dog hair goobers all over.  I lose patience.  I sometimes yell.  

All in all, it could be a million times worse, but then again, there's a lot of room for improvement.  I feel like I owe them all so much more for the love and joy they give me.