Other times, the year has been the longest of our lives.
I'm tired of harping that this was such a senseless and unnecessary loss. No shit. But I still can't wrap my head around it sometimes.
But I don't need to wrap my head around it. Because it doesn't make sense. And it isn't fair. And yes, it sucks monkey-butt.
I leave with my Mother-in-law in exactly one week for California. For what I expect will be the most difficult trip of my life, thus-far (and hopefully, will remain my most difficult trip for the rest of my life!)
I will face Patrick's killer. I will do my best to remain composed, to honor Patrick's memory.
And when it's done, he'll serve his 3 months in jail and then go about his life. Maybe he will live a better life as result. Maybe he'll rise to the occasion and honor Patrick's memory and attempt to give back to the world a little bit of what he took from it.
But after Friday, I don't care anymore. I don't have to. He will officially be part of the past and something I cannot dwell on. I need that piece of this cluster-fuck to be in the past.
God-bless my in-laws for being so much more gracious than me in all of this. For having forgiveness in their hearts.
But I still don't. I'm not angry anymore (much), but I simply cannot forgive him for what he took from me, from my family and from this world.
And for now, I'm OK with that.